so there is this complication in being oneself  

 - an extra twist ... a swirl of life..  that somehow translates to an extra dimension in our connectivity with our fellow human beings ..  

a (sometimes) hidden feature as it were a superpower you might call it.. of our very being and relating to our surrounding or situations we find ourselves in.. 

It is the attitude the language gives us... a sense of belonging and of sharing some values and concepts of a certain lifestyle, maybe even some of the ways we  live our lives and the way we look at  and behave in certain situations. 

An attitude imprinted.. so to say sneaked in during our present and past experiences.. included also being the beliefs and customs we have in a country where the language initiated or is predominantly used,  Inheriting behaviours and patterns which govern everything from perception to aspiration to desolation and grief..

In language we find ourselves and others...  "true meanings", concepts and functionality. "The truth" embeds itself in language... eluding the un-attentive and revealing to the keen agile and conscious minds.   

It is the attitude we are  that makes the all the  difference ..    the feeling of WTF and WTH when we are confused or very much in control of the situation..  and the LOL  at your own expense or others...

so why should we care ? 

The thing is that more often we don't even have a clue about what's going on and what makes us be a certain way..  we just are and the sad part is that we are lived by and influenced by language without us always noticing or even be aware of.. 

The good news is, that once we have identified assessed and evaluated the predominant attitudes for ourselves (or others for that matter) we can work on / or with them ..  

But this off course is something else for a future thought to play with  .. not being the point i am working on and become aware of lately .. 

so what is the point .. ?

you may ask yourself reading this little ramble of my wonderings on this subject ..  

I found myself having mastered different languages at different levels of understanding speaking and writing ... 

.. having lived in different places and different conditions all over and in different entourages .. off course acquiring a few attitudes myself over the past years, all more or less hidden from my view most of the time.. in a constant changing in intensity of domination 

...because that's what it is about .. 

Stranded in the no-man's multilinguist hell?!? or paradise?!? ..navigating between beliefs and expectations... thrown back and forth by my own notion of self..  trying to decipher and approach life as it presents itself... finding myself dreaming in Dutch... thinking in English but funny enough still counting in Romanian.. 

...while dealing with a Romanian society, as i experience, in a state of numbness, which is trying desperately to to appear western.. and with a, thankfully at a slow pace, fading identity, kept in place by tradition and impact of years of suppression and lack of self expression, without notion of discovering of self or it's full potential.. Ok i might have exaggerated here a bit in extending the idea.. hope is still ok..

THE QUEST BEING FOR ME:  WHO AM I.     

Who are you? .. or for the sake of the idea, where is the truth in: who are we ? 

Awareness of We are the words we speak and the words are being spoken under a kind of strange vicious cycle.. 

Is this a kind of magic? Under the spells of language we find ourselves at peace or war...